Aún no se llenaba la luna

Y me quedé en suspenso.., con la ilusión a cuestas..,

con la esperanza guardada en el bolsillo roto de un pantalón..,

 en el baúl sin fondo de mis decepciones..

¿Será.., que aún no se llenaba la luna?

Y me quedé en suspenso.., con una historia breve..,

en los niveles más bajos de los latidos del corazón..,

entre lo inverosímil de mis frustraciones..

Será.., que aún no se llenaba la luna..

Ayacucho, Peru - City of souls

I spent New Year's in Ayacucho, Peru.., and I came back with lots of memories and great moments lived..

It was my first time there but, unexpectedly, I will come back many times more because, somehow, Ayacucho has become a second home for me from now on..

With this new year, I have some news in my personal life..
I'm not quite sure about the implications and of course I'm kind of scared of how to handle it.., but I'm excited and very happy with this new situation and this beautiful way to start this year..

I enjoyed the city! and loved to be in contac with nature and be able to see things from another perspective, the simplicity of some things and the mystic of others..
My small vacations in the city of souls and churches made me think about my dreams and plans for life.., very soon I will take another step in my professional life and, little by little, I'm following my goals.., maybe to share it with an special personal was just the thing I needed.., and of course I'm also happy to see your dreams coming true..

For all my friends, you are invited to Ayacucho any time ;)

Some memories of my first visit to Ayacucho - Peru

I'm free again..

I lived without it for a while.., 

for quite some time actually...,

very conscious of it.., but without anything I could do.. 

I realized then.., that it's not enough.. 

It's not enough to know, it's not enough to be able to.., 

to be able to conect with nature..

My mind tried hard to scape.., she tried to go very far away, 

to unknown places beyond physics.. 

... I've always thought it was totally possible for people like me.. 

.. but it wasn't.. 

She had no water... 

... how could she go so far without water??? 

so.., she stayed and wait.., and I lost my freedom..

Time went by.. 

I got water now.., and I know now what is really necessary and what is not.. 

I will thank for those necessary things everyday.. 

Cause I'm free again.., I'm alive again... 

That's why I can say I will be happy, just because I chose my life.. 

Not all people can say that.., and some people just don't know if there's a difference.. 

But freedom has a high price.., indeed.. 

Through my short path I hurted some people I love.., 

I made mistakes when finding my way.., 

I lost something I still miss cause I took a decision.., 

I got hurted of course, many times.., and all these will continue happening..

"La libertad tiene un precio alto.., tan alto como el precio de la esclavitud.."

I'm proud of all my scars.., and I'm happily paying the price, 

with a smile, even more when tears come across.. 

I made changes.., I didn't stay there.. 

Now I'm living pushing my limits.., challenging physics.., 

trying to get to more unkown places.., 

.. today.., I visited another one..

The first layer of my philosophy

I grew up thinking that the most important in "my" world was to be faithful with myself.., no matter what.., and that means a lot actually.., more than I thought then..

It was, and it is.., a fight with the "a priori ways" we all have for protecting our conscious mind, who can't stand all our emotions, fears, desires and feelings..

I think I started fighting my "ego defense mechanisms" since I was conscious I "am".. 

Never liked to be blinded by those mechanisms.. so, without noticing, I was learning to be "awake".., to feel everything.., even the most powerful and basic desires as killing and lust..

Since I remember, I tried to embrace everything I felt and all my dreams as reality.., without any guilt, without any shame..

I think that's why I can shout my heart's longings without any shame and without caring what people think.. 

That's why I can be in the center of my own deep sorrow and sit there, quiet and still.., without doing anything to hide it or make it disappear.., embracing it instead!.., without closing my soul or my heart because of it...

That's why I can dance.. 

That's why I have disappointed others in order to be loyal to myself.. .. and I'll keep doing it.. 

That's why I can live failures, problems, heart breakings, pains, betrayals, death, and still shout to the universe: I LOVE BEING ALIVE..!! 

That's why I like my own company and.., 

.. that's why this layer of my philosophy holds me from inside..

Posts related: Some years ago.. My reasons

Some years ago..

Several years ago.., I discovered one of the layers of my philosophy..., maybe the most important one..

I really don't remember how was the process of discovering it... 

I was very young.., way too young maybe.. 

My childhood was totally tainted with philosophy thoughts and I couldn't connect with anybody for a long time.., I never played with my 10 year old classmates.., I never watched all those TV series for children.., I never understood how to play with dolls.., instead of that, I spent my days reading for hours and making puzzles.., thinking about my place in the world.., talking to souls.., exploring why people around me said that God exist.., and trying to understand WHY my classmates were too interested in subjects that were so silly and shallow for me..

I'm a psychologist now.., kind of obvious?, not at all I must say..

Actually, Psychology was my 5th choice.. after Philosophy, Art, Criminology, Literature, and going totally nuts.. :)

Finally, when I was 16, I was able to increase a little bit my adaptation to the "real" world and to the working world.., so.. with that in mind, I made my choice..

Now, as a Psychologist and as an "almost" adult person, I ask myself if "my philosophy world" was 'good' for a girl at that early age.., it brought me some problems, family ones and social ones..

At some point it got better and now it is almost calm..

But even with all those problems.., and even if now I have to accept that I still don't quite connect with the majority of people.., it was all worthed.., cause without that, I wouldn't have been the person I am now..

I think I'm still kind of weird, but happy with myself!, and with the people I DO connect with..

So.. what was my first layer of my life philosophy???

Related posts: The first layer of my philosophy My reasons

My bedroom has changed this Monday

When I thought about the "first Monday".., 

I knew it was gonna be weird, grey and sad..

.. But I had NO idea how much it would hurt..

Here I am.., 

feeling like I'm in the middle of nothing.. 

Looking desperately for the smile of my eyes, 

and asking my dancing desires and my libido: 'till when are you gonna hide?

How empty this Monday evening can be?!!! 

.. and the weekend was only better cause I had the challenge to convince everyone I was still ME.. 

I didn't know I was gonna leave that much there.. 

I've felt this sensation before.., and I know it always goes away, after a while.. 

But this is the FIRST time I feel MY BEDROOM empty.. 

This sensation is totally new for my 26 years old.. 

Yes.., it will also go away.., but I won't hurry up.., 

cause I need to discover its meaning..

I'm still totally amazed to realize I'm feeling something so new in something so old.. 

So amazed to realize how many things I found in my past.. 

.. a past that will be always perfect to shape my future..

In the meantime.., I will hug my sadness and enjoy it.., 

with my cat and my music that always find the perfect mood for each moment..

'Hoy quisiera detener el tiempo.., la distancia entre los dos..' 

'Soy fragilidad sin tí.. ' 

'Son las cosas de la vida.., que nos quedan por vivir..'

It doesn't feel like Egypt...

The day before yesterday I was in a plane for 19 hours...

But I feel like I didn't move..

Yesterday.., I slept in my bed..

Today.., I woke up at home and talked to myself as usual, but this time somebody was listening..

I ate a different kind of bread and felt cold in a different way.., but when I stood up in the balcony of that 23rd floor I couldn't see The Nile nor the Pyramids..

My mind got control over my senses and all I could see and feel was the most beautiful of my life routines..
And my eyes stopped to admire how my imagination and proyections were more than right, even that perfect moment when making the bed I smiled at you..

So that was my first impression of CAIRO..

Even if the culture, the streets, the Nile, the Pyramids or the history of Egypt are surrounding me, it doesn't feel like Egypt.. it feels like home..

I didn't go out that Friday cause today is AI applications' deadline.., but I enjoyed the apartment as crazy..
I'm thinking right now about how I'm feeling.., sitting in my living room, alone only for 15 minutes.., and totally breaking my previous thought that Egypt is supposed to be hot.. :)

Seeing my reflection and loosing myself in the surreal dream I'm afraid to break if I breath stronger..

Here is the amazing view from that 23rd floor..,
Maybe you all can see what I couldn't that first day..

The Pyramids after the Nile, after 'Maadi', after that balcony..

Tomorrow.. AFRICA!

The first time I thought about this crazy thing I'm gonna do tomorrow was THAT time in Switzerland.., 1 year and a half ago!

I was traveling around one of the most expensive countries in the world.., having the LUCK to be hosted by a friend.., I was happy to be traveling around the whole Switzerland., but not so happy with my life at that time...
I was feeling lonely, like I didn't fit..
I was really trying to escape from the reality of Italy, but instead, I felt even more that things were not right in Brescia and I was scared about my next step..
Actually, besides beautiful Switzerland and meeting Carissa, one of the things that 'saved' me was THAT moment when I decided to go Africa..

I've been wanting this for 1 year and a half.., I planned it in my mind for 2006.., but lots of things and places were also expecting me so it wasn't possible last year..

Anyway, I believe that if you truly truly want something, you just have to decide it, cause the biggest dreams happen when you plan them..
I decided I wanted this.., so I made it happen!, and tomorrow, I will catch a plane to AFRICA.., not to Cameroon this time, but to Egypt!
Where I'll find something I don't need to look for.., but something I don't wanna loose as I realized I can't stand being so long without it..

Sitting over Cameroon, the moment I decided.. 15/09/05

Navidad con mi familia, como siempre..

Acá, el principal día de Navidad es el 25.., NO el 24 en la noche como en Perú..

Cada año valoro más la Navidad con mi familia.., definitivamente, hace unos años que vengo cambiando mi orden de prioridades y mi escala de valores.., y el proceso seguirá seguramente.., mientras tanto, estoy contenta con cómo he evolucionado estos últimos 3 años..

Hoy extrañe a mi familia mucho más que otros días.., la risa de mi hermanito, los cuidados de mi mamá, el interés de mi papá porque todos estemos bien y tengamos lo mejor, y lo riquísimo que cocina..
Mi mamá no compró puré de manzanas este año.., solo ella y yo lo comíamos.., pero todo lo demás será como todos los años.., mientras yo comeré caracoles, langosta y paté de pato para Navidad..
Me doy cuenta que no tenemos fotos todos juntos...

Lo último que extraño de Peru es la comida.., hay taantas cosas que extrañar que la comida no es la principal.., sin embargo HOY quería pavo, arroz, puré de manzana, el chocolate de mi mamá y panetón con mantequilla como me daba Carlitos en su casa tantas veces..

Finalmente, estoy pasando MI navidad con mi familia.., en Perú es super temprano, las 6pm y aún no empieza la noche, mi papá está aún en su cuarto con mi gato que duerme en su pecho, mi mamá ya cambiándose, mi hermanito esta conmigo en msn y me pone música para que yo cante.., dice que le gusta escucharme.., el pavo se está horneando donde la borracha.., y mis tías ya están en camino, podré hablar con ellas también por msn y se pondrán muy contentas.., tengo también a algunos de mis mejores amigos pasando Navidad conmigo..

Así que, es una bonita Navidad..,
diferente pero igual,
con mi familia.., como siempre..

Christmas in France!

Ironía?, casualidad?, todo cae por su propio peso..

En mi futuro proyectado, en estas fechas yo pertenecía a Italia, pero lanzé un conjuro y cambié mi destino.., y después de MIL travesías acá estoy.., en la soñada París..

No creo que sea mala estrategia salir de la línea de Gestión de Talento para hacer Auditoría de Calidad en AIESEC ESIEA.., tampoco me caerá mal una Navidad diferente en Tours.., a pesar de que la cuisine planteada no sea mi favorita.. ;)

Sólo no quería dejar pasar esta fecha sin recordarlos...

Después de haber caminado por distintos lugares, llevando AIESEC PERU en alto y dejando un poquito de mi esencia en cada país, me doy cuenta de que son muchas las veces en que me detengo y pienso en ustedes.., en todo mi CLUL y en cómo trasmitirles que lo que estoy viviendo acá está en las manos de todo aieseco.

DESDE DE PARIS...!
FELIZ NAVIDAD a todos aquellos que tengo tan lejos y que extraño tanto.. y mil besos a mi familia, los llevo todos los días en mi mente..

Más emociones: Cambio de 180 grados!!!

Today I'm taking a plane to PARIS!!!!

Me parece todo tan surreal..

Las complicaciones que tenemos los peruanos para sacar visas quizá me costaron esta vez la consecusión de mis planes.., yo tendría que haber estado en Rusia para quincena de Noviembre y las semanas siguen pasando.., mientras la embajada me sigue diciendo que necesito más papeles.., fueron cada vez menos amables y me di cuenta de que no me la darían..

Mi sexto sentido me decía que siguiera moviéndome y afortunadamente lo escuché ya que hace 2 días me confirmaron un trabajo en Paris.., en el LC EISEA, trabajando en Análisis de Calidad de Xs!

Jamás sabré lo que hubiera sido Rusia.., lo que hubiera sido trabajar en el LC UFA y vivir esa cultura cerca de las montañas urales.., sin embargo, estoy contenta porque tengo un nuevo destino, un nuevo reto y la satisfacción de demostrarme a mí misma que puedo conseguir cosas buenas por mi esfuerzo, mi experiencia y mi perfil..

No me han faltado las oportunidades acá y eso se lo debo a AIESEC.., todo lo que he puesto en práctica NO lo aprendí en un salón de clases, lo aprendí en AIESEC..; aproveché al máximo todas las oportunidades de aprendizaje que me dio y ahora veo los resultados.., porque definitivamente.. 'it's up to you..'

HP cubrió los daños de mi laptop y me la enviaron hace 3 días con un disco duro nuevo, mi alma volvió a mi cuerpo y ahora sí puedo irme tranquila.., aunque de pronto, siento que se está consolidando una razón diferente que me une a Italia, una razón bella, fuerte y avasalladora que me hace dudar, que me hace detenerme a soñar despierta que estaremos juntos pronto..

AIESEC en PARIS coordinó todo de manera excelente y rápida así que, compré el pasaje inmediatamente lanzándome de lleno a esta nueva aventura que no hubiera sido posible tampoco sin la ayuda de mi mamá y mis buenos amigos.. Hoy dejo ISU, con cierta nostalgia por el cariño que le tome a este edificio y las personas que conocí en él.., un hasta pronto a mi querida amiga Giusy y me llevo mi vida dentro de aquellas 4 piezas de equipaje..

29 de Noviembre del 2005, 3pm Despidiéndome de mi amiga Giusy antes de salir al aeropuerto..

Is there a hide reason for all this?

More problems..

My papers from Russia are gonna take more days to arrive! so I can't tramit the visa..
I had ONLY 5 days to tramit visa cause I don't have a house here and don't have money either..
Then, I discovered russian visa takes 10 days to be issued!!.., you can have it sooner of course, but you have to pay accordingly, even in 2 days if you have the money.. 35, 47, 92, 140 euros..
I won't have a place to sleep after this sunday.., with my 48kg of luggage!
So, I don't have time.., and really, I don't have money..

But I'll survive.., I always do..
RUSSIA must worth all this!, I will make it worthed!

Mi new laptop won't start.., because of the incident in Prague.., HP people said they have to take it to Paris to see if guarantee can cover it.., I almost die..
They took it today.., I feel helpless cause I just bought it, and maybe it will be huge money in the garbage..!, the money my parents gave me with a lot of effort.., the money they gave me to be safe here..
But I'm thinking about the things my mother told me: 'Don't be sad about materials things.., the most important is that you are OK and healthly'...
I can almost hear her voice... I miss her..

I feel bad things are happening to me..., I'm tired of struggeling and I feel lonely..
I'm stucked AGAIN in this city I've never liked and days are passing by without good news...
... what is keeping me soooo long in Brescia??..., there must be a reason, right?
Today, you called.., was sweet..
Is that it?
Is that gonna take me to some fantasy land with the power to erase every bad memory???

Vainilla o chocolate: Mi choque cultural?

September was supposed to be different, was gonna bring the 'real' life I trusted..
I don't see it.., and September will be over soon..
It's not only that I didn't meet my expectations, it's more complicated than that.., it's about world's perspectives...

Me sorprende mucho sólo haber tenido 1 reunión de equipo.., sé que muchos viven fuera de la ciudad y que en época de vacaciones todo se detiene por aquí.., es tan diferente a AIESEC PERU donde en vacaciones y feriados es cuando MAS se trabaja y se aprovecha para las típicas amanecidas que unen tanto al equipo..

Me sorprende aún más la decisión de planificar por separado, en una EB nueva que necesita guía en iniciativas globales y estrategias de planning; además, dónde queda la mística, la sinergia, el apasionamiento?
En AIESEC LIMA aprendí que un objetivo que no se traza en conjunto jamás será un compromiso de equipo.., aprendí que no importa si las 'ideas' están ya delineadas por las cabezas, importa que el equipo haya colaborado con ellas y la sensación de que se conviertan en ideas de cada uno de ellos.., sólo así el equipo luchará contra viento y marea por una sola causa, y sólo así aprenderá a conocerse, a unir fortalezas, a cubrir debilidades, y a quererse.., mis EBs 02-05 están conformadas por gente tan diferente a mí que no imagino cómo nos hubiésemos hecho grandes amigos sin aquellas horas de trabajo arduo y aquellos intercambios de opiniones apasionados..

Me preocupa no tener ese espacio ahora.., pienso que es clave en la primera etapa del trabajo anual.., and September will be over soon..; me preocupa la conexión, alguien como yo necesita ese espacio para conectar con personas diferentes.., insistí mucho tal vez porque se me dijo que la organización de la planificación no era parte de mi portafolio.., quizá se quedó en mi corazón el rol de LCP :), quizá me emocionó pensar que podía enseñar todo lo que aprendí en AIESEC PERU.., quizá eso se confunde con arrogancia?

Recuerdo aquella vez que mi director de teatro me dio aquel papel que yo taaanto deseaba en una obra de Shakespeare y al mismo tiempo me gritó fuertemente.., confundió el control de mi angustia con altanería.., pensó que daba por sentado mi protagonismo y yo sólo me esforzaba en controlar mi inseguridad de no obtenerlo..

Dentro de esta oscura sensación de 'no conectar', ha sido una salvación contar con un amigo de mi misma 'especie' con quien puedo darme rienda suelta; con mi roomate que hace mi estadía más 'familiar' y dulce..; y con un par de sexys citas que también salvaron el mes..

Sé que mi manera de ser resulta 'censurable' para ciertas personas., siempre ha sido así.., sólo que acá descubrí que Lima no es una ciudad conservadora para nada!..; mi manera de pensar, mi lenguaje no verbal, mi vehemencia y mi estilo liberal no están encajando.., aún después de entender por aquellas miradas de confusión que debo evitar mis manifestaciones ligeras de añoranza hacia el mundo de las drogas y de las bajas pasiones.., y cómo conectar en este mundo tan 'vainilla' si no veo ese deseo de ir en busca de cierta clase de emociones?

Cierta clase de emociones..., I've tried to like aperitives from 5 to 8pm, I've tried to be thrilled by rhymes out loud, or turned on by jumps and punching instead of dancing..

I want crazyness, sensuality and 'derroches de pasión'!, extraño sentir el movimiento de mi cuerpo al ritmo de una música riquísima, quiero excesos, atrevimientos y sentir el arte de la seducción entre hombres y mujeres..

I want tequila at 3am instead of aperitives at 5pm.., better!, I want a delicious man having some tequila, salt and lemon from my neck!.., and I want some pot!!!!!, how difficult is that? OMG!

Extraño salir de la oficina a las 1opm y tener un 'hueco' para ir a tomar unas chelas, un casino, un billar, cine, o un rico sitio donde volverme loca bailando; poder comer lo que quiera incluso a las 4am, extraño tener buses a todas horas, en todas partes.., acá es un lío hasta para ir a comer y ya no puedo caminar más.., y ya no puedo ser 'vainilla' un día más..!

I am definitely 'chocolate' :)
He aquí: 'mi choque cultural'...
... and September will be over soon..
But October will bring some changes..

Settle down vs. Run away

Have my phone, have my laptop, a beautifull apartment!, I have a well paid part time job besides AIESEC, EB year plan is almost done, I have a lot of travel plans and international conferences to assist.., Eurolds in Belgium, EuroCo in Croatia, IC 2006 in Poland and a TTT in Lithuania... :D

So, what's missing?, why I feel like running away from this city?

Everything is stopped or closed now, people is away so we didn't have work meetings, University and AIESEC office is helplessly closed!!, there's only 5-6 people in AIESEC for this term and only 1 is in the city.
I'm understanding AIESEC's culture and difficulties here.., being realistic, Recruitment according XP policies and procedures is gonna be really hard..

Frustration is spying me...

I discovered Brescia was an industrial city years ago (that's why there's a lot of people who lives outside), with time, Brescia grew in population but still doesn't have entertainment, night life is too much to ask.., only aperitives..

Ok, ok, not everything was boring.., I visited Torino for a Finance conference, there I met Isabella, a really nice brasilian and we talked a lot, even personal stuff, was really good to let it go and share my problems..

My roomate is another thing to be happy about, because of her I finally visited the famous 'Lago Di Garda'!!, it was amazingly beautifull but far away from where I live, we need a car for sure..

I need to be patient...

I decided to go to Switzerland for recovering positive energy, so August will be over soon and we will work hard for AIESEC in Brescia..

Dreamed Italy?

One week since I arrived home..., the dreamed Italy..
Y de conceptos rotos está hecho el mundo... :)

Maybe I expected more...
But don't get me wrong.., I love my job and my apartment like crazy; however, I didn't love learning that some cities in Europe are not flexible enough for my life style.., not enough people, not enough buses, no buses at all after 10pm, no enough discos!, no karaokes, no casinos, no cheap bars!, no crazy night life..

Of course, Italy's culture and history are interesting..
I dreamed all nights with coming here, to the land of Renaissance, Boticelli, Fibonacci, Da Vinci, the visionary Domenico, the exquisite Vivaldi and the great Galileo Galilei.

My dream came true and today I spent my birthday with Maquiavelli..., was not the best birthday, but I will learn to love this city.., and I will learn to enjoy aperitives places from 5pm to 8pm...
Besides, I still need to taste elegant Milan..!

My new friends were really nice to me since day 1.., I know I take my time to feel totally comfortable with new people but I think we are in a good direction..

About work, it started really well, we made SWOT analysis and began planning. EB 2005-2006 (leonessa) is kind of new, so the LCP and I need to improve knowledge in the team, I have a lot to share with them, all I learnt in my CLUL...

A plane toward my dreams..

Inside a plane that took me to my biggest dream

July 6, still dizzy because of that kiss.., totally late at the airport..
.. couldn't stand the tears of my little brother, the sad hug of my mom, and the look of my dad.., some of my best friends were there and FINALLY, I felt something!
I was unable to feel for the past few weeks and I was starting to worry.., it was the fear I guess, fear to leave behind some things, fear to the possibility that they think I want to leave, even if now it is true..., I need to leave...

I couldn't forget my little brother's tears..,
I remembered when he was brought home..., and now I happily understand he's gonna be my responsibility forever..

The plane started to move and it was all so beautiful..,
I have THE experience of my life in front of my eyes, and it will be WOW!
Emotions came back to me! y qué RICO se siente el miedo, la alegría, la angustia y los latidos fuertes del corazón..
I can find again answers in my heart!

After 12 hours in the plane and 12 sweet little papers that moved my soul..,
I arrived to Madrid.... another life began..

Then, a plane to Germany..
and I couldn't stop thinking about lakes and long-nights' conversations in Cologne..

The first thing I saw when I went down the plane :)

Time to say 'goodbye'..

Time to say goodbye...
As all humans, we love tragedy...

My little brother didn't like the news.., maybe he didn't get it when I said goodbye in a memorable family weekend in the north of Peru...
Great moments with my father are not that usual anymore.., conection with my mother is not that simple anymore.., we needed that weekend off and it was amazing and confortable!

Time with friends.., time with special ones.., time with myself to control excitement and fear..

Time with you, we've said goodbye more than once during these last 2 months.., maybe we sorted some things out, maybe we made them more complicated..., some sangria in the same confortable place, some checks added to our checklists, some unfinished talks, some tender looks and some lies.., and as usual, it was perfect between us..

Plans made to stop in Germany.., impossible to skip it...
I need to see somebody before starting a new life, and timing was perfect.., before Italy, before Cameroon..

Visa Schengen opened for 1 year!
Tickets bought! - Lima - Madrid - Germany - Italy..

Then I said goodbye to my life until my dreams are achieved...

How I started my carrier.., some beautiful memories..

In August 2002, AIESEC became THE passion of my life and my favorite OBSESSION thanks to one important person.. 

How I wish to have known AIESEC before!!! 

Well, I got involved in this amazing organization -www.aiesec.org-, and suddenly.., all I wanted was to live all the opportunities I could live here and learn everything to achieve a leadership position in AIESEC! 

After a lot of efforts, learning and problem solving, in 2003 I became part of the "Executive Board of AIESEC Lima"!

Here my EB 2003-2004! 

A great team.., and dear friends, then and now! 

Of course I was the HR leader (VP S&L, then PD) 

.. and I have the most beautiful memories.. TWICE!!

S&L Team 2003 

Here we are all together in the Brasilian dinner and cultural presentation we organized with our brasilian Ceeders "los chuchukos" (notice our t-shirts :) 

After one year of "S&L", in 2004, we evolved in "People Development area"!!, having a lot of changes, challenges and a new team.., while I started dreaming with new big horizons, that finally came true..

People Development team & CLUL in NATCO 2004

Being an LCP (Local Comitte President), means a lot to every passionate aisecer I'm sure.., and after presenting my 1st strategic plan, motivational letter, key indicators, being evaluated by a professional panel, and wait nervously for the voting process.., I finally was elected LCP AIESEC Lima!

A lot to thank my former LCPs (2002-2004), my dearest friends..

A lot of LC times.., conferences.., learning.., moments of crisis.., moments of truly happiness.., trying to lead the team.. 

Definitively, my best experience in AIESEC and in life!

EB 2005 & NATCO Oct 2004 with newies

Luchas y frustraciones..

In my house's basement.., thinking HOW to stop such a nonsense and absurdity..,

preparing some refutations and hoping for the best..

Meanwhile, I lost one of my best VPs, who I admire and in whom I had a lot of hope for next term.. 

It was his decision and I couldn't ask him not to, even if I was dying to do so... 

that's not what I was supposed to do.., 

I just waited with frustration, knowing that after this, nothing could turn time back..

I'm also afraid of loosing a friend.. 

This month at work was totally difficult.., motivation is going down very fast for everybody.., frustration sometimes leads us to very useless thoughts, but it also gives us sense, makes us discover or meet again with what we are, with what we believe in, with our values and principles, with what matters to each one of us.. 

 And here comes the question about how to manage the responsibilities of my leadership position with the responsibilities I have as 'ME'.., 

as a person who someday will turn her head back to evaluate herself.., 

to evaluate what I did, what I stood for, what I chose in those important moments.., 

if I chose convenience, if I chose to let fear invade with silence.., if I chose to let things just happen..; 

or if I chose to stand for what I believe in, for what it’s fair.. 

I already know the answer.., I have always known.. 

… I will never be unfaithful to myself.., cause I could loose more.. 

There´s no one poorest than those who doesn’t have sense and soul..

LCP AIESEC LIMA 

Trying to find the “middle” point without turn people down.. 

4 de marzo - prohibicion brasil

Nunca creí en las casualidades..., nunca digas nunca...!

How your life can totally change in few minutes by actions you can't see...

... cause when you manage to see them... it's already too late ... 

Sometimes we think we have the power to decide how our lifes are going to be..., 

nevertheless, we don't always pay attention to some consequences of our acts...

Do we usually realize, how just an small action, or even a smile, can have a big impact in other person's decisions or paths?

December 2004 brought intense emotions for me...,

and I AM an emotional person (even if I don't seem like it)..

December 5th: a day to remember, a day to forget.., sadness and frustration.. and it went worst..

On the opposite side.., December 25th brought revelations, peace, happiness and sublime emotions!.., sharing deep thoughts and feelings, having an spontaneous and unexpected night..

And suddenly, January 5th 2005: I got email!

A great oportunity to work and live in Italy just arrived to my inbox!, and it's 99% fit to my proffesional profile!

Parece mentira pensar que en el momento en que me encontraba más desmotivada (muchos se acordaran de mi trabajo en "ANAL" (ANAR) como psicóloga jaja), más frustrada, con más dudas que nunca, totalmente varada y en stand by en mi carrera aieseca (www.aiesec.org) y profesional, fuera a llegar esto.. 

Nunca creí en casualidades... 

Pero ahora pienso en el 2005 como un mar de emociones y oportunidades que YO me las he ganado, por mi trabajo y esfuerzo... aún falta mucho por concretar, considerando que muchos se postularán a lo que YO quiero.., pero simplemente siento que esto me cayo del cielo y SE que esto será para mí... 

QUE EL MUNDO CONSPIRE...!