Quiero saber si puedes.., quiero saber si eres..

No me interesa lo que haces para ganarte la vida.. 

Quiero saber cuál es tu dolor, y si te atreves a soñar que te permites encontrar lo que tu corazón añora.. 

Quiero saber si te arriesgarías a parecer un tonto por amor, por tus sueños, o por la aventura de estar vivo. 

No me interesa qué planetas hacen la cuadratura de tu luna.. 

quiero saber si has tocado el centro de tu propia angustia, si las traiciones de la vida te han abierto, o si te has encogido o cerrado por el temor a sentir más dolor.. 

Sólo quiero saber si puedes sentarte con el dolor, mío y tuyo.., sin moverte para esconderlo o para resolverlo. 

Quiero saber si puedes estar con el placer, mío y tuyo.., si puedes danzar salvajemente y dejar que el éxtasis te llene hasta las yemas de los dedos, sin advertirte a tí mismo que debes tener cuidado y ser realista, ni recordarte las limitaciones de ser humano.. 

No me interesa si es verdadera la historia que me cuentas.. 

Quiero saber si puedes soportar la acusación de ser un traidor sin traicionar tu alma.. 

Quiero saber si puedes ponerte de pie, después de haber abrazado una noche de dolor y desesperanza, agotado y golpeado hasta los huesos, y aún así ser capaz de perdonar.. 

Sólo quiero saber si puedes percibir la belleza aún cuando no todo es bello, y si puedes encontrar la fuente de tu vida en la esencia de él o ella. 

Quiero saber si puedes vivir con el fracaso, tuyo y mío, y a pesar de ello pararte a la orilla del mar y gritar a la luna que volverás a empezar.. 

No me interesa quién eres ni cómo llegaste aquí.. 

Quiero saber si permanecerías conmigo en el centro del fuego sin echarte para atrás.. 

Quiero saber si te agrada verdaderamente la compañía que buscas en tus momentos vacíos.. Quiero saber qué es lo que sostiene desde adentro cuando todo lo demás falla.. 

From 'Oriah', and a little 'me'

Ayacucho, Peru - City of souls

I spent New Year's in Ayacucho, Peru.., and I came back with lots of memories and great moments lived..

It was my first time there but, unexpectedly, I will come back many times more because, somehow, Ayacucho has become a second home for me from now on..

With this new year, I have some news in my personal life..
I'm not quite sure about the implications and of course I'm kind of scared of how to handle it.., but I'm excited and very happy with this new situation and this beautiful way to start this year..

I enjoyed the city! and loved to be in contac with nature and be able to see things from another perspective, the simplicity of some things and the mystic of others..
My small vacations in the city of souls and churches made me think about my dreams and plans for life.., very soon I will take another step in my professional life and, little by little, I'm following my goals.., maybe to share it with an special personal was just the thing I needed.., and of course I'm also happy to see your dreams coming true..

For all my friends, you are invited to Ayacucho any time ;)

Some memories of my first visit to Ayacucho - Peru

Ayacucho - Mi nuevo rincón de almas

No había tenido antes la oportunidad o quizá el interés de conocer este departamento del Perú..
Llegué a Huamanga, capital de Ayacucho, por motivos más relevantes que el mismo turismo, en busca de un Año Nuevo diferente, agradable y significativo..

El paisaje me pareció precioso y disfrute muchísimo de la sencillez y la calidez del lugar, ese calorcito de la tierra, la convivencia con la naturaleza y lo místico de este rincón de almas..
Disfruté la vista de amplias quebradas, de lo bello de esas tonalidades de verde natural, observé sorprendentes trabajos manuales, aprendí de donde viene la piedra de Humanga, conversé con muchos animalitos y ellos sonreían..
Sin querer, también recibí bellas clases de historia y amé aquellos momentos, justo antes de que empezara a llover, caminando sobre aquel puente..

La presencia de grupos humanos en la zona data desde hace 20,000 años A.C. Posteriormente, después del imperio Wari y la Confederación Chanca, los incas conquistaron Ayacucho erigiendo su centro en la zona de Vilcashuamán. Recién en 1539, Pizarro fundó la ciudad de Ayacucho, ésta fue construida con fines estratégicos pues limitaba con los territorios dominados por los incas rebeldes de Vilcabamba. A la derrota de estos últimos, Ayacucho adquirió importancia económica y cultural, fue sede del arzobispado y contaba con una vasta industria textil y una universidad, por lo cual fue una de las ciudades más importantes del virreynato.

Aprendí mucho más en realidad, pero son aquellas cosas simples de la vida las que me hacen feliz.., y el haber entendido algo más esta vez es más de lo hubiera pedido.., por eso estos momentos vivídos han sido inolvidables y los que vengan lo serán también.., pronto volveré por estos lares y conoceré más, y viviré más..

I'm free again..

I lived without it for a while.., 

for quite some time actually...,

very conscious of it.., but without anything I could do.. 

I realized then.., that it's not enough.. 

It's not enough to know, it's not enough to be able to.., 

to be able to conect with nature..

My mind tried hard to scape.., she tried to go very far away, 

to unknown places beyond physics.. 

... I've always thought it was totally possible for people like me.. 

.. but it wasn't.. 

She had no water... 

... how could she go so far without water??? 

so.., she stayed and wait.., and I lost my freedom..

Time went by.. 

I got water now.., and I know now what is really necessary and what is not.. 

I will thank for those necessary things everyday.. 

Cause I'm free again.., I'm alive again... 

That's why I can say I will be happy, just because I chose my life.. 

Not all people can say that.., and some people just don't know if there's a difference.. 

But freedom has a high price.., indeed.. 

Through my short path I hurted some people I love.., 

I made mistakes when finding my way.., 

I lost something I still miss cause I took a decision.., 

I got hurted of course, many times.., and all these will continue happening..

"La libertad tiene un precio alto.., tan alto como el precio de la esclavitud.."

I'm proud of all my scars.., and I'm happily paying the price, 

with a smile, even more when tears come across.. 

I made changes.., I didn't stay there.. 

Now I'm living pushing my limits.., challenging physics.., 

trying to get to more unkown places.., 

.. today.., I visited another one..

The first layer of my philosophy

I grew up thinking that the most important in "my" world was to be faithful with myself.., no matter what.., and that means a lot actually.., more than I thought then..

It was, and it is.., a fight with the "a priori ways" we all have for protecting our conscious mind, who can't stand all our emotions, fears, desires and feelings..

I think I started fighting my "ego defense mechanisms" since I was conscious I "am".. 

Never liked to be blinded by those mechanisms.. so, without noticing, I was learning to be "awake".., to feel everything.., even the most powerful and basic desires as killing and lust..

Since I remember, I tried to embrace everything I felt and all my dreams as reality.., without any guilt, without any shame..

I think that's why I can shout my heart's longings without any shame and without caring what people think.. 

That's why I can be in the center of my own deep sorrow and sit there, quiet and still.., without doing anything to hide it or make it disappear.., embracing it instead!.., without closing my soul or my heart because of it...

That's why I can dance.. 

That's why I have disappointed others in order to be loyal to myself.. .. and I'll keep doing it.. 

That's why I can live failures, problems, heart breakings, pains, betrayals, death, and still shout to the universe: I LOVE BEING ALIVE..!! 

That's why I like my own company and.., 

.. that's why this layer of my philosophy holds me from inside..

Posts related: Some years ago.. My reasons

Some years ago..

Several years ago.., I discovered one of the layers of my philosophy..., maybe the most important one..

I really don't remember how was the process of discovering it... 

I was very young.., way too young maybe.. 

My childhood was totally tainted with philosophy thoughts and I couldn't connect with anybody for a long time.., I never played with my 10 year old classmates.., I never watched all those TV series for children.., I never understood how to play with dolls.., instead of that, I spent my days reading for hours and making puzzles.., thinking about my place in the world.., talking to souls.., exploring why people around me said that God exist.., and trying to understand WHY my classmates were too interested in subjects that were so silly and shallow for me..

I'm a psychologist now.., kind of obvious?, not at all I must say..

Actually, Psychology was my 5th choice.. after Philosophy, Art, Criminology, Literature, and going totally nuts.. :)

Finally, when I was 16, I was able to increase a little bit my adaptation to the "real" world and to the working world.., so.. with that in mind, I made my choice..

Now, as a Psychologist and as an "almost" adult person, I ask myself if "my philosophy world" was 'good' for a girl at that early age.., it brought me some problems, family ones and social ones..

At some point it got better and now it is almost calm..

But even with all those problems.., and even if now I have to accept that I still don't quite connect with the majority of people.., it was all worthed.., cause without that, I wouldn't have been the person I am now..

I think I'm still kind of weird, but happy with myself!, and with the people I DO connect with..

So.. what was my first layer of my life philosophy???

Related posts: The first layer of my philosophy My reasons