Today, I wished time went back..

Sometimes it's a little too late..,
maybe sometimes you forget you are not alone,
maybe you don't really get what it means to share your everyday with another person,
your 'life moments' with the people you love..
How could you know before?
and you will hurt and be hurted so many times...

We are made to be selfish.., I believe it's a 'good' thing.., yes..
There's a time in your life when you HAVE to be selfish..
but then you start evolving and your priorities change..,
of course you will keep being selfish but as we grow up we have to try..
we are better humans when we try..

Today I wished time went back..
I made a fool of myself and I might hurted someone special..

There's a lot of things I don't like..,
I'm really used to say 'NO' and I always did, no matter what..
I'm NOT a typical vanilla sweet girl, I'm strong in my attitudes, opinions and decisions..,
so saying 'NO' is really easy for me.., don't care about social parameters..
This is one of the most important things to me.., the only part of my freedom you all can see..,
do only what my soul tells me, do only whatever I want..
I hate when people follow others like sheeps..
and I used to think I couldn't hate anything more than this..
But today, I discovered I was wrong.., it just lost all the visceral negative meaning for me..

Cause today, I realized, yesterday I was not alone..
and I just discovered that the thing I hate the most is hurting you..

A holistic view of 2008 and New Year resolutions!

I feel free right now, after a peaceful new year's eve in a meaningful place..
I expected more 'action & emotions' maybe, but I know that I couldn't ask for more joy in my life, and that cup of tea at 2am made me feel kind of strange with myself..
Muchos sentimientos encontrados, lots of emotions and some doubts, some fears and lots of hopes..

2008 was a year of facing trouble in my professional area, a year from which I learnt incredible things.
For the first time I can really say I know how it is to work under pressure, I know how to work without resources, to work without any help or support, against all odds, and still achive something.., I know now really how it is to fight for what you believe, even if it is a 45 years old manager who is yelling you otherwise. and I'm so proud of that.
I can say I stood up for some things and I can say I refused some others being faithful to myself..
For the first time, I saw what I have to improve, and for the firt time, I tried and couldn't make it in the first attempt..

2008, in my personal life, was a year of decisions and personal discoveries..

For the first time, I had to accept that some of those decisions were not in my hands.., it was very complex to realize what it means to be in a relationship in terms of decisions.., my decisions, your decisions.., but there was something new: we had 'our' decisions..

I think it is the first time for both of us (even if we had another relationships), so it's not easy at all and it involves quite some maturity and growing up.., but we have a good structure and strong confidence for doing this and it makes me happy..

For 2009 I have some resolutions:

To achieve another step in my professional life
To make a complete change on my habits according to a healthy life style
To get a new soul
To water and take care of my relationship
To give a gift to my parents
To get a new heart
To write

Quiero saber si puedes.., quiero saber si eres..

No me interesa lo que haces para ganarte la vida.. 

Quiero saber cuál es tu dolor, y si te atreves a soñar que te permites encontrar lo que tu corazón añora.. 

Quiero saber si te arriesgarías a parecer un tonto por amor, por tus sueños, o por la aventura de estar vivo. 

No me interesa qué planetas hacen la cuadratura de tu luna.. 

quiero saber si has tocado el centro de tu propia angustia, si las traiciones de la vida te han abierto, o si te has encogido o cerrado por el temor a sentir más dolor.. 

Sólo quiero saber si puedes sentarte con el dolor, mío y tuyo.., sin moverte para esconderlo o para resolverlo. 

Quiero saber si puedes estar con el placer, mío y tuyo.., si puedes danzar salvajemente y dejar que el éxtasis te llene hasta las yemas de los dedos, sin advertirte a tí mismo que debes tener cuidado y ser realista, ni recordarte las limitaciones de ser humano.. 

No me interesa si es verdadera la historia que me cuentas.. 

Quiero saber si puedes soportar la acusación de ser un traidor sin traicionar tu alma.. 

Quiero saber si puedes ponerte de pie, después de haber abrazado una noche de dolor y desesperanza, agotado y golpeado hasta los huesos, y aún así ser capaz de perdonar.. 

Sólo quiero saber si puedes percibir la belleza aún cuando no todo es bello, y si puedes encontrar la fuente de tu vida en la esencia de él o ella. 

Quiero saber si puedes vivir con el fracaso, tuyo y mío, y a pesar de ello pararte a la orilla del mar y gritar a la luna que volverás a empezar.. 

No me interesa quién eres ni cómo llegaste aquí.. 

Quiero saber si permanecerías conmigo en el centro del fuego sin echarte para atrás.. 

Quiero saber si te agrada verdaderamente la compañía que buscas en tus momentos vacíos.. Quiero saber qué es lo que sostiene desde adentro cuando todo lo demás falla.. 

From 'Oriah', and a little 'me'

Ayacucho, Peru - City of souls

I spent New Year's in Ayacucho, Peru.., and I came back with lots of memories and great moments lived..

It was my first time there but, unexpectedly, I will come back many times more because, somehow, Ayacucho has become a second home for me from now on..

With this new year, I have some news in my personal life..
I'm not quite sure about the implications and of course I'm kind of scared of how to handle it.., but I'm excited and very happy with this new situation and this beautiful way to start this year..

I enjoyed the city! and loved to be in contac with nature and be able to see things from another perspective, the simplicity of some things and the mystic of others..
My small vacations in the city of souls and churches made me think about my dreams and plans for life.., very soon I will take another step in my professional life and, little by little, I'm following my goals.., maybe to share it with an special personal was just the thing I needed.., and of course I'm also happy to see your dreams coming true..

For all my friends, you are invited to Ayacucho any time ;)

Some memories of my first visit to Ayacucho - Peru

Ayacucho - Mi nuevo rincón de almas

No había tenido antes la oportunidad o quizá el interés de conocer este departamento del Perú..
Llegué a Huamanga, capital de Ayacucho, por motivos más relevantes que el mismo turismo, en busca de un Año Nuevo diferente, agradable y significativo..

El paisaje me pareció precioso y disfrute muchísimo de la sencillez y la calidez del lugar, ese calorcito de la tierra, la convivencia con la naturaleza y lo místico de este rincón de almas..
Disfruté la vista de amplias quebradas, de lo bello de esas tonalidades de verde natural, observé sorprendentes trabajos manuales, aprendí de donde viene la piedra de Humanga, conversé con muchos animalitos y ellos sonreían..
Sin querer, también recibí bellas clases de historia y amé aquellos momentos, justo antes de que empezara a llover, caminando sobre aquel puente..

La presencia de grupos humanos en la zona data desde hace 20,000 años A.C. Posteriormente, después del imperio Wari y la Confederación Chanca, los incas conquistaron Ayacucho erigiendo su centro en la zona de Vilcashuamán. Recién en 1539, Pizarro fundó la ciudad de Ayacucho, ésta fue construida con fines estratégicos pues limitaba con los territorios dominados por los incas rebeldes de Vilcabamba. A la derrota de estos últimos, Ayacucho adquirió importancia económica y cultural, fue sede del arzobispado y contaba con una vasta industria textil y una universidad, por lo cual fue una de las ciudades más importantes del virreynato.

Aprendí mucho más en realidad, pero son aquellas cosas simples de la vida las que me hacen feliz.., y el haber entendido algo más esta vez es más de lo hubiera pedido.., por eso estos momentos vivídos han sido inolvidables y los que vengan lo serán también.., pronto volveré por estos lares y conoceré más, y viviré más..

I'm free again..

I lived without it for a while.., 

for quite some time actually...,

very conscious of it.., but without anything I could do.. 

I realized then.., that it's not enough.. 

It's not enough to know, it's not enough to be able to.., 

to be able to conect with nature..

My mind tried hard to scape.., she tried to go very far away, 

to unknown places beyond physics.. 

... I've always thought it was totally possible for people like me.. 

.. but it wasn't.. 

She had no water... 

... how could she go so far without water??? 

so.., she stayed and wait.., and I lost my freedom..

Time went by.. 

I got water now.., and I know now what is really necessary and what is not.. 

I will thank for those necessary things everyday.. 

Cause I'm free again.., I'm alive again... 

That's why I can say I will be happy, just because I chose my life.. 

Not all people can say that.., and some people just don't know if there's a difference.. 

But freedom has a high price.., indeed.. 

Through my short path I hurted some people I love.., 

I made mistakes when finding my way.., 

I lost something I still miss cause I took a decision.., 

I got hurted of course, many times.., and all these will continue happening..

"La libertad tiene un precio alto.., tan alto como el precio de la esclavitud.."

I'm proud of all my scars.., and I'm happily paying the price, 

with a smile, even more when tears come across.. 

I made changes.., I didn't stay there.. 

Now I'm living pushing my limits.., challenging physics.., 

trying to get to more unkown places.., 

.. today.., I visited another one..