Tra te e il mare a Venezia

Almost without sleeping since monday 26 because of all the travel arrangements I wrote in the last post, I finally arrived to Venice..
Got the visas!!!!!!! and even if I almost die pulling around Paris all my 'one year' luggage, everything is on track..
Cheap flights not always land in the 'popular city', so I arrived to Venice at 10pm and it was very difficult to find a cheap hostal or B&B.., I had to keep carrying my bags around for 2 hours until I found something I could afford (35 euros), it was midnight!..

I was death.. but I couldn't waste this night!, my father told me Piazza San Marcos is beautiful at night and I wanted to take some pictures for him.. cause tomorrow night I will be in a train already.., so, I took my Ipod and I start walking.., suddenly, a song trapped me and you got into my mind..
After an hour walking I found a bote still working and I jumped in.., it was so strange and so beautiful, everything was dark, no people around, no movement.., Oh my God!, it seems like a ghost town, I loved it!, 2am.., totally alone in Piazza San Marcos, it was totally worthed and I thought a lot about my family..

I took some pictures for my father.. and I started my walk back..

This song doesn't want to let me go, and I know it has a reason..
It's just the moment for this song.., and as much as I love Laura Pausini, tonight, this song has been my travel partner and my closure, in some way..
It's 3:29am, and with 2005 almost ending, I think I will finally let this history to end..
"Con l'istinto di chi sa' amare.., 'preferisco dirti addio"

Tra te e il mare

Challenges: efforts, courage and sacrifices..

I have several challenges to confront now.., not everything is sweet..

So, in order to make it to AIESEC Ukraine, I have to tramit 2 visas, make a lot of efforts and make some sacrifices.

I need to tramit here in Paris the visas for Ukraine and Poland, outside Paris will be impossible. If something goes wrong I'm totally ruined..!
Ukraine is NOT a popular destination and direct fligths tickets are beyond what I can afford right now.., I didn't think of that when I applied to this job!, but.. God bless Ryanair.com!, besides, I am now really good organizing travel's detail and cheap flights connections.
I don't have too much time but I'm very proud of myself cause somehow I manage to connect every place I wanted and still be able to spend new year with my boyfriend in Napoli and Rome before departing to Ukraine..

So, after hours of work and hard calculations, tickets are bought and here I present you my itinerary for the next 12 days. If just one of the next things goes wrong or I miss a plane or train, everything will fall.., what a pressure!!:

December 28 (early morning) - Tourin / Paris
December 28 (morning) - Pick up Poland visa
December 28 (noon) - Pick up Ukraine visa
December 28 (afternoon) - Flight Paris - Venice
December 29 (night) - Train Venice - Brescia
December 30 (night) - Train Brescia - Napoli
January 6 (night) - Train Napoli - Rome
January 9 (early morning) Flight Rome - Frankfurt
January 9 (night) Flight Frankfurt - Rzeszów (Poland)
January 9 (midnight) Train or whatever to Lviv or Kiev in Ukraine

(I still can't believe all my connections after Rome, 2 flights and 1 train, are so so so much cheaper than taking a direct flight Rome - Kiev!!!! well, the world is crazy..)

If everything goes well I will be on January 10th in Ukraine, ready to start my job!
I have to admit I'm scared.., but I feel ALIVE.., it's so intense...

Tomorrow I will leave Tourin at 6am in order to arrive to Paris at 10am, there I have to take a lot of metros and run between 2 embassies for getting my visas before 2pm, when I have to run to the bus stop before 3pm to take a 3 hours bus to the airport for taking my flight to Venice at 6pm!

Again.. I'm scared.., what if I don't get both visas?, what if I loose the plane?
Ok, I can't be nervous.., I have a nice plan so I just have to stick to it and be organized..

Tomorrow I will leave France..,
tomorrow maybe I won't have the time I need to turn my head back and admire one last time this place.., so.., now and here, in the middle of a 'perfect moment' full of fear, courage and illusions..,
I say goodbye to France..

I won't have any 'what if' in my life..

All this time trying to find peace..,
all this time looking for a place to live and a job to survive..,
but YOU came along..,
and you know I can't stop being fool for love..

This time the risk will be totally my fault..,
and I'm not surprised to know that I will do it..,
I will certainly watch myself jumping into that risk..

Why did you appear in my life??, why now???, and why from so far?
it's NOT a good timing and it's NOT a good moment for me..,
cause I've developed some needs and if you cover them now, I will fall in love..
I'm getting there.., at least I have all the symptoms..

In the meantime, and as usual.., I don't care..
I know I will take that plane..,
and I will only know in some days..,
.. in some days, when I find myself in THAT situation or in a beautiful dream instead..
What a crazy thing to do!,
putting in risk my house, my security, my basic needs..,
what a dreamer or how stupid.. :)
But it has an logical and philosophycal explanation in my way to see life:
NEVER keep a "what if" in you mind..
I could never forgive myself if I do that.., so I take the risk..,
cause is better have something to regret.., than regret for not doing anything..

Navidad con mi familia, como siempre..

Acá, el principal día de Navidad es el 25.., NO el 24 en la noche como en Perú..

Cada año valoro más la Navidad con mi familia.., definitivamente, hace unos años que vengo cambiando mi orden de prioridades y mi escala de valores.., y el proceso seguirá seguramente.., mientras tanto, estoy contenta con cómo he evolucionado estos últimos 3 años..

Hoy extrañe a mi familia mucho más que otros días.., la risa de mi hermanito, los cuidados de mi mamá, el interés de mi papá porque todos estemos bien y tengamos lo mejor, y lo riquísimo que cocina..
Mi mamá no compró puré de manzanas este año.., solo ella y yo lo comíamos.., pero todo lo demás será como todos los años.., mientras yo comeré caracoles, langosta y paté de pato para Navidad..
Me doy cuenta que no tenemos fotos todos juntos...

Lo último que extraño de Peru es la comida.., hay taantas cosas que extrañar que la comida no es la principal.., sin embargo HOY quería pavo, arroz, puré de manzana, el chocolate de mi mamá y panetón con mantequilla como me daba Carlitos en su casa tantas veces..

Finalmente, estoy pasando MI navidad con mi familia.., en Perú es super temprano, las 6pm y aún no empieza la noche, mi papá está aún en su cuarto con mi gato que duerme en su pecho, mi mamá ya cambiándose, mi hermanito esta conmigo en msn y me pone música para que yo cante.., dice que le gusta escucharme.., el pavo se está horneando donde la borracha.., y mis tías ya están en camino, podré hablar con ellas también por msn y se pondrán muy contentas.., tengo también a algunos de mis mejores amigos pasando Navidad conmigo..

Así que, es una bonita Navidad..,
diferente pero igual,
con mi familia.., como siempre..

Christmas in France!

Ironía?, casualidad?, todo cae por su propio peso..

En mi futuro proyectado, en estas fechas yo pertenecía a Italia, pero lanzé un conjuro y cambié mi destino.., y después de MIL travesías acá estoy.., en la soñada París..

No creo que sea mala estrategia salir de la línea de Gestión de Talento para hacer Auditoría de Calidad en AIESEC ESIEA.., tampoco me caerá mal una Navidad diferente en Tours.., a pesar de que la cuisine planteada no sea mi favorita.. ;)

Sólo no quería dejar pasar esta fecha sin recordarlos...

Después de haber caminado por distintos lugares, llevando AIESEC PERU en alto y dejando un poquito de mi esencia en cada país, me doy cuenta de que son muchas las veces en que me detengo y pienso en ustedes.., en todo mi CLUL y en cómo trasmitirles que lo que estoy viviendo acá está en las manos de todo aieseco.

DESDE DE PARIS...!
FELIZ NAVIDAD a todos aquellos que tengo tan lejos y que extraño tanto.. y mil besos a mi familia, los llevo todos los días en mi mente..

Más emociones: Cambio de 180 grados!!!

Today I'm taking a plane to PARIS!!!!

Me parece todo tan surreal..

Las complicaciones que tenemos los peruanos para sacar visas quizá me costaron esta vez la consecusión de mis planes.., yo tendría que haber estado en Rusia para quincena de Noviembre y las semanas siguen pasando.., mientras la embajada me sigue diciendo que necesito más papeles.., fueron cada vez menos amables y me di cuenta de que no me la darían..

Mi sexto sentido me decía que siguiera moviéndome y afortunadamente lo escuché ya que hace 2 días me confirmaron un trabajo en Paris.., en el LC EISEA, trabajando en Análisis de Calidad de Xs!

Jamás sabré lo que hubiera sido Rusia.., lo que hubiera sido trabajar en el LC UFA y vivir esa cultura cerca de las montañas urales.., sin embargo, estoy contenta porque tengo un nuevo destino, un nuevo reto y la satisfacción de demostrarme a mí misma que puedo conseguir cosas buenas por mi esfuerzo, mi experiencia y mi perfil..

No me han faltado las oportunidades acá y eso se lo debo a AIESEC.., todo lo que he puesto en práctica NO lo aprendí en un salón de clases, lo aprendí en AIESEC..; aproveché al máximo todas las oportunidades de aprendizaje que me dio y ahora veo los resultados.., porque definitivamente.. 'it's up to you..'

HP cubrió los daños de mi laptop y me la enviaron hace 3 días con un disco duro nuevo, mi alma volvió a mi cuerpo y ahora sí puedo irme tranquila.., aunque de pronto, siento que se está consolidando una razón diferente que me une a Italia, una razón bella, fuerte y avasalladora que me hace dudar, que me hace detenerme a soñar despierta que estaremos juntos pronto..

AIESEC en PARIS coordinó todo de manera excelente y rápida así que, compré el pasaje inmediatamente lanzándome de lleno a esta nueva aventura que no hubiera sido posible tampoco sin la ayuda de mi mamá y mis buenos amigos.. Hoy dejo ISU, con cierta nostalgia por el cariño que le tome a este edificio y las personas que conocí en él.., un hasta pronto a mi querida amiga Giusy y me llevo mi vida dentro de aquellas 4 piezas de equipaje..

29 de Noviembre del 2005, 3pm Despidiéndome de mi amiga Giusy antes de salir al aeropuerto..

Is there a hide reason for all this?

More problems..

My papers from Russia are gonna take more days to arrive! so I can't tramit the visa..
I had ONLY 5 days to tramit visa cause I don't have a house here and don't have money either..
Then, I discovered russian visa takes 10 days to be issued!!.., you can have it sooner of course, but you have to pay accordingly, even in 2 days if you have the money.. 35, 47, 92, 140 euros..
I won't have a place to sleep after this sunday.., with my 48kg of luggage!
So, I don't have time.., and really, I don't have money..

But I'll survive.., I always do..
RUSSIA must worth all this!, I will make it worthed!

Mi new laptop won't start.., because of the incident in Prague.., HP people said they have to take it to Paris to see if guarantee can cover it.., I almost die..
They took it today.., I feel helpless cause I just bought it, and maybe it will be huge money in the garbage..!, the money my parents gave me with a lot of effort.., the money they gave me to be safe here..
But I'm thinking about the things my mother told me: 'Don't be sad about materials things.., the most important is that you are OK and healthly'...
I can almost hear her voice... I miss her..

I feel bad things are happening to me..., I'm tired of struggeling and I feel lonely..
I'm stucked AGAIN in this city I've never liked and days are passing by without good news...
... what is keeping me soooo long in Brescia??..., there must be a reason, right?
Today, you called.., was sweet..
Is that it?
Is that gonna take me to some fantasy land with the power to erase every bad memory???

Quiero estados mentales!

Hay cosas que no se pueden compartir estando tan lejos.., sensaciones.., miradas.., estados mentales..

No me basta con hechos y acciones.., quiero estados mentales!

Pido mucho quizá para personas que intentan ser prácticas..., anyway, esto es algo que se esperaba.., no todos somos iguales..

.. It is not how sweet little papers said...

No tiene que ver con el tiempo real.., tiene que ver con entender la importancia de detenerse a observar y observarse..

Sin embargo, el tiempo 'real' es real.., y siempre peligrarán nuestras almas ante la velocidad con la que gira el mundo..

There isn't such a thing as "time" 

... el tiempo se crea cuando uno valora algo... 

... es cuestión de elecciones... 

Mirar atrás un SOLO día es una cosa.., mirar atrás toda una vida es otra...

No me sorprende entonces el número infinito de almas que jamás se encontraron a sí mismas.

Qué tristeza imaginar esos ojos, finalmente mirando hacia atrás un día, y sólo encontrando imágenes borrosas, decisiones sin sentido y consecuencias esparcidas...

Puedes acelerar tus pasos.., pero recuerda que si te pierdes, puedes perderte para siempre, o demorarte una vida en regresar..

Qué bello es mirar atrás al final del día... 

.. pero qué triste es mirar atrás sólo al final de toda una vida...

Vainilla o chocolate: Mi choque cultural?

September was supposed to be different, was gonna bring the 'real' life I trusted..
I don't see it.., and September will be over soon..
It's not only that I didn't meet my expectations, it's more complicated than that.., it's about world's perspectives...

Me sorprende mucho sólo haber tenido 1 reunión de equipo.., sé que muchos viven fuera de la ciudad y que en época de vacaciones todo se detiene por aquí.., es tan diferente a AIESEC PERU donde en vacaciones y feriados es cuando MAS se trabaja y se aprovecha para las típicas amanecidas que unen tanto al equipo..

Me sorprende aún más la decisión de planificar por separado, en una EB nueva que necesita guía en iniciativas globales y estrategias de planning; además, dónde queda la mística, la sinergia, el apasionamiento?
En AIESEC LIMA aprendí que un objetivo que no se traza en conjunto jamás será un compromiso de equipo.., aprendí que no importa si las 'ideas' están ya delineadas por las cabezas, importa que el equipo haya colaborado con ellas y la sensación de que se conviertan en ideas de cada uno de ellos.., sólo así el equipo luchará contra viento y marea por una sola causa, y sólo así aprenderá a conocerse, a unir fortalezas, a cubrir debilidades, y a quererse.., mis EBs 02-05 están conformadas por gente tan diferente a mí que no imagino cómo nos hubiésemos hecho grandes amigos sin aquellas horas de trabajo arduo y aquellos intercambios de opiniones apasionados..

Me preocupa no tener ese espacio ahora.., pienso que es clave en la primera etapa del trabajo anual.., and September will be over soon..; me preocupa la conexión, alguien como yo necesita ese espacio para conectar con personas diferentes.., insistí mucho tal vez porque se me dijo que la organización de la planificación no era parte de mi portafolio.., quizá se quedó en mi corazón el rol de LCP :), quizá me emocionó pensar que podía enseñar todo lo que aprendí en AIESEC PERU.., quizá eso se confunde con arrogancia?

Recuerdo aquella vez que mi director de teatro me dio aquel papel que yo taaanto deseaba en una obra de Shakespeare y al mismo tiempo me gritó fuertemente.., confundió el control de mi angustia con altanería.., pensó que daba por sentado mi protagonismo y yo sólo me esforzaba en controlar mi inseguridad de no obtenerlo..

Dentro de esta oscura sensación de 'no conectar', ha sido una salvación contar con un amigo de mi misma 'especie' con quien puedo darme rienda suelta; con mi roomate que hace mi estadía más 'familiar' y dulce..; y con un par de sexys citas que también salvaron el mes..

Sé que mi manera de ser resulta 'censurable' para ciertas personas., siempre ha sido así.., sólo que acá descubrí que Lima no es una ciudad conservadora para nada!..; mi manera de pensar, mi lenguaje no verbal, mi vehemencia y mi estilo liberal no están encajando.., aún después de entender por aquellas miradas de confusión que debo evitar mis manifestaciones ligeras de añoranza hacia el mundo de las drogas y de las bajas pasiones.., y cómo conectar en este mundo tan 'vainilla' si no veo ese deseo de ir en busca de cierta clase de emociones?

Cierta clase de emociones..., I've tried to like aperitives from 5 to 8pm, I've tried to be thrilled by rhymes out loud, or turned on by jumps and punching instead of dancing..

I want crazyness, sensuality and 'derroches de pasión'!, extraño sentir el movimiento de mi cuerpo al ritmo de una música riquísima, quiero excesos, atrevimientos y sentir el arte de la seducción entre hombres y mujeres..

I want tequila at 3am instead of aperitives at 5pm.., better!, I want a delicious man having some tequila, salt and lemon from my neck!.., and I want some pot!!!!!, how difficult is that? OMG!

Extraño salir de la oficina a las 1opm y tener un 'hueco' para ir a tomar unas chelas, un casino, un billar, cine, o un rico sitio donde volverme loca bailando; poder comer lo que quiera incluso a las 4am, extraño tener buses a todas horas, en todas partes.., acá es un lío hasta para ir a comer y ya no puedo caminar más.., y ya no puedo ser 'vainilla' un día más..!

I am definitely 'chocolate' :)
He aquí: 'mi choque cultural'...
... and September will be over soon..
But October will bring some changes..

Suiza neutral: Un estímulo que pedía a gritos..

'Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno'
Quizá la base de su consciencia y colaboración con la sociedad..

Gran tradición de neutralidad política y militar; uno de los estados más ricos y desarrollados del mundo, a pesar de no contar directamente con muchos recursos naturales: causa - consecuencia?

Deseaba conocer al país de bajas tasas de desempleo e inflación.., y está sólo a 6 horas de mi casa así que el 16 de agosto me embarque en lo que debía ser un respiro en mi vida y un necesario retomar de energías positivas, a necessary break from Brescia...

Destino N°1: Nos recibió Carissa, AIESEC como siempre dándome los mejores amigos!, fue CEEDer en México y me cayó super super bien.., con mochila en mano, pasamos por la Svizzera Italiana y llegamos a la Deutsche Schweiz.., Luzern was my first city, bellísima y la dueña del 'Chapel Bridge' o 'Kapellbrücke'.

Me embelesó el azul profundo del río y la belleza de los lagos que me rodeaban en donde estuviera; el verde de los parques y montañas en primavera; el rojo de las banderas que caminaban conmigo; la ternura y confianza de los cisnes que se mezclaban con todos a orillas del río; y el lujo y limpieza de los rincones de este país... Fueron imágenes que en conjunto no veía hacía mucho (aunque el verde de Alemania es inigualable), y ciertamente, totalmente contrarias a las que veía durante el último mes..

Destino N°2: Weggis, de ensueño! y sin duda, mi lugar preferido de lo que conocí de Suiza.., una cena acogedora y riquísima con la familia de Carissa.., paisajes increíbles y reencuentros con mi raza felina, que necesitaba a gritos! ;)

Destino N°3: Llegamos a la Suiza Francesa, Ginebra (Geneve), mucha historia y una de las ciudades principales para la vida profesional.

Conocí la sede de la ONU, la más importante despues de la de New York, me senté en las salas de conferencia enormes, caminé a través de los presentes de los distintos países: la Guerra y la Paz de Francia, el Templo del Cielo de China, el Mástil de Titanio de la Union Soviética, la esfera en honor a Wilson, fundador de la ONU en Ginebra, etc.
En la noche salimos con la gentita aieseca, había alguien a quien hubiese querido conocer más, pero estaba medio amarrada a un 'itinerario' y 'moral' pre-establecidos que debía respetar por motivos logísticos..

Ví muchas vacas.., la famosa fuente de cerca.., dulces que jamás se me hubieses ocurrido que existen.., y un mapa mundi gigante donde toda la frustración del mes pasado se volcó y decidí que necesitaba ir a Africa por más de una razón...

Destino N°4: Neuchâtel, extremadamente atractivo Old Town, al medio de los Alpes Suizos, faltó tiempo para conocer las bellezas de la ciudad natal de aquel que me persiguió en la universidad, el sistemático Jean Piaget.

Destino N°5: Volvemos a la Suiza alemana, bien al norte, a Basilea (Basel)..

De pronto, ví algo familiar.., el Rin!, casi muero de la nostalgia.., lo admiré aquella noche, lo amé durante el día siguiente y el atardecer, mientras murmuraba: 'arrivederci Svizzera'...

No llegué a Zurich, ni a la 'Svizra Rumantscha'.., y no llegué a ver a mi amiga Alexandra en St. Gallen.., sin embargo, este viaje me dio las fuerzas para continuar luchando.., y me dio una amiga más :)

Settle down vs. Run away

Have my phone, have my laptop, a beautifull apartment!, I have a well paid part time job besides AIESEC, EB year plan is almost done, I have a lot of travel plans and international conferences to assist.., Eurolds in Belgium, EuroCo in Croatia, IC 2006 in Poland and a TTT in Lithuania... :D

So, what's missing?, why I feel like running away from this city?

Everything is stopped or closed now, people is away so we didn't have work meetings, University and AIESEC office is helplessly closed!!, there's only 5-6 people in AIESEC for this term and only 1 is in the city.
I'm understanding AIESEC's culture and difficulties here.., being realistic, Recruitment according XP policies and procedures is gonna be really hard..

Frustration is spying me...

I discovered Brescia was an industrial city years ago (that's why there's a lot of people who lives outside), with time, Brescia grew in population but still doesn't have entertainment, night life is too much to ask.., only aperitives..

Ok, ok, not everything was boring.., I visited Torino for a Finance conference, there I met Isabella, a really nice brasilian and we talked a lot, even personal stuff, was really good to let it go and share my problems..

My roomate is another thing to be happy about, because of her I finally visited the famous 'Lago Di Garda'!!, it was amazingly beautifull but far away from where I live, we need a car for sure..

I need to be patient...

I decided to go to Switzerland for recovering positive energy, so August will be over soon and we will work hard for AIESEC in Brescia..

Dreamed Italy?

One week since I arrived home..., the dreamed Italy..
Y de conceptos rotos está hecho el mundo... :)

Maybe I expected more...
But don't get me wrong.., I love my job and my apartment like crazy; however, I didn't love learning that some cities in Europe are not flexible enough for my life style.., not enough people, not enough buses, no buses at all after 10pm, no enough discos!, no karaokes, no casinos, no cheap bars!, no crazy night life..

Of course, Italy's culture and history are interesting..
I dreamed all nights with coming here, to the land of Renaissance, Boticelli, Fibonacci, Da Vinci, the visionary Domenico, the exquisite Vivaldi and the great Galileo Galilei.

My dream came true and today I spent my birthday with Maquiavelli..., was not the best birthday, but I will learn to love this city.., and I will learn to enjoy aperitives places from 5pm to 8pm...
Besides, I still need to taste elegant Milan..!

My new friends were really nice to me since day 1.., I know I take my time to feel totally comfortable with new people but I think we are in a good direction..

About work, it started really well, we made SWOT analysis and began planning. EB 2005-2006 (leonessa) is kind of new, so the LCP and I need to improve knowledge in the team, I have a lot to share with them, all I learnt in my CLUL...

Germany: The Land of Ideas..

Germany...
My first step in the Old World, for a high rated passionate reason,
but totally worthed in the end..
A land of ideas indeed.., a land of poets and thinkers.., innovation and progress.., for sure one of the motors of economy, an excellent example of life and one of my favorite places in Europe for getting inspire..

Some days, totally in love with crazyness; some days, shaking hands with those souls I met years ago.., my dear Nietzsche, the exceptional Wagner, the classical Beethoven and the historical Einstein.., some days getting high with the brilliant pesimism of Schopenhauer, the intensity of Bach and the metaphysic of Kafka..

While remembering all those shadows.., while crossing the line of madness.., one person kept me safe in the side of sanity, bringing my best memories to this different future.., introducing me to his new world and teaching me to say goodbye at the same time..

See you soon Germany..

A plane toward my dreams..

Inside a plane that took me to my biggest dream

July 6, still dizzy because of that kiss.., totally late at the airport..
.. couldn't stand the tears of my little brother, the sad hug of my mom, and the look of my dad.., some of my best friends were there and FINALLY, I felt something!
I was unable to feel for the past few weeks and I was starting to worry.., it was the fear I guess, fear to leave behind some things, fear to the possibility that they think I want to leave, even if now it is true..., I need to leave...

I couldn't forget my little brother's tears..,
I remembered when he was brought home..., and now I happily understand he's gonna be my responsibility forever..

The plane started to move and it was all so beautiful..,
I have THE experience of my life in front of my eyes, and it will be WOW!
Emotions came back to me! y qué RICO se siente el miedo, la alegría, la angustia y los latidos fuertes del corazón..
I can find again answers in my heart!

After 12 hours in the plane and 12 sweet little papers that moved my soul..,
I arrived to Madrid.... another life began..

Then, a plane to Germany..
and I couldn't stop thinking about lakes and long-nights' conversations in Cologne..

The first thing I saw when I went down the plane :)

Time to say 'goodbye'..

Time to say goodbye...
As all humans, we love tragedy...

My little brother didn't like the news.., maybe he didn't get it when I said goodbye in a memorable family weekend in the north of Peru...
Great moments with my father are not that usual anymore.., conection with my mother is not that simple anymore.., we needed that weekend off and it was amazing and confortable!

Time with friends.., time with special ones.., time with myself to control excitement and fear..

Time with you, we've said goodbye more than once during these last 2 months.., maybe we sorted some things out, maybe we made them more complicated..., some sangria in the same confortable place, some checks added to our checklists, some unfinished talks, some tender looks and some lies.., and as usual, it was perfect between us..

Plans made to stop in Germany.., impossible to skip it...
I need to see somebody before starting a new life, and timing was perfect.., before Italy, before Cameroon..

Visa Schengen opened for 1 year!
Tickets bought! - Lima - Madrid - Germany - Italy..

Then I said goodbye to my life until my dreams are achieved...

Something new will start!!!

When feeling kind of confused, desmotivated and helpless about my AIESEC carrier.. .. and what's more frightening.., when I was totally desmotivated about my psichology carrier..

A really boring evenning, sitting in front of my computer, in probably the most boring work I've ever had, an email arrived to my inbox... and hope just invaded my world.. A lifetime opportunity was offered to me because of my work as LCP in AIESEC LIMA..

Some months later and after a LONG selection process... TODAY...

... I was selected VP People Development for LC BRESCIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So.., I'm moving out to Italy with all expenses covered in there, plus a part time job in a company..

Wow!.. AIESEC is taking me now to the dreamed Italy.. Now, I can't hardly wait!!!! .. but somehow I did it since this February!!! Fuck! 3 1/2 months for selection process!!

.. from one high emotion to another very different but high still.. I love it!

Related Posts: A gift from heaven?

What tears mean sometimes...

Not always equal to sadness or suffering tears..

.. and they are the best ones ;)

Sharing, remembering, and feeling certain moments again can make you feel very sensitive and vulnerable sometimes... .. and as if it weren't enough!.. There are always those few people who just have that kind of power on you: they are able to hurt you very deep.. And that's really the beautiful thing for me!.. People who can hurt you the most are not your enemies.., people who can impact on you the most are those you love and those that love you back... In an specific perspective, it doesn't matter if they actually hurt you or make you happy, it doesn't matter if it's in a direct or indirect way.., cause the true fact is ONLY that they CAN.., they are the only ones that can destroy you emotionally.. :)

... and that's why a lot of people are afraid to love...

Cause nothing will hurt you more than see them suffer.., and nothing will matter to you more than their happiness, their well-being, their opinions about your decisions, and how they show to you with each act or detail that they care about you...

These kind of tears I'm talking about appear when you care...

.. then you are living!..

And you asked me again: why?..

.. don't you know I am extremaly happy for being able to feel and dare like "this"?, in a way not everybody can.., for being able to love and let you love me?.. why don't you?

But at the end of the day, at the end of the life.., I will say I conquered that fear..

Fear to suffer, fear to live, fear to die.. Hard of course, but.. tell me if you can, what really bad can happen? There is so much in the world to be afraid of.. but not this!.. not my own feelings! not even yours..

With whom will you dare to be yourself if it's not with your special ones??

But you keep asking me why?

I loose my count.. ... I love to cry.., I love feeling exhausted after it..

This time was not for you..

For my Tril.., my reason today..

An stage of my life just ended..

Ayer terminó mi período como PRESIDENTA de AIESEC LIMA...

It was amazing!!!

A year full of emotions and learning!.., full of challenges, mistakes and more learning! 

After this year I've gained so much.., impossible to describe with words, as a  dream came true...

Being LCP (local President) was definitively my best leadership experience so far and will be on my top forever...

I hope we all can maintain perspective and our AIESEC's culture. We can't forget enjoying our work, living diversity and learning from what we do each day..

About my LCP period, I made good things, I made some mistakes too..., but this isn't finished!...

.. I will stay close and I will keep doing things for my CLUL...

In the meantime...

THANKS TO ALL MY TEAM!

How I started my carrier.., some beautiful memories..

In August 2002, AIESEC became THE passion of my life and my favorite OBSESSION thanks to one important person.. 

How I wish to have known AIESEC before!!! 

Well, I got involved in this amazing organization -www.aiesec.org-, and suddenly.., all I wanted was to live all the opportunities I could live here and learn everything to achieve a leadership position in AIESEC! 

After a lot of efforts, learning and problem solving, in 2003 I became part of the "Executive Board of AIESEC Lima"!

Here my EB 2003-2004! 

A great team.., and dear friends, then and now! 

Of course I was the HR leader (VP S&L, then PD) 

.. and I have the most beautiful memories.. TWICE!!

S&L Team 2003 

Here we are all together in the Brasilian dinner and cultural presentation we organized with our brasilian Ceeders "los chuchukos" (notice our t-shirts :) 

After one year of "S&L", in 2004, we evolved in "People Development area"!!, having a lot of changes, challenges and a new team.., while I started dreaming with new big horizons, that finally came true..

People Development team & CLUL in NATCO 2004

Being an LCP (Local Comitte President), means a lot to every passionate aisecer I'm sure.., and after presenting my 1st strategic plan, motivational letter, key indicators, being evaluated by a professional panel, and wait nervously for the voting process.., I finally was elected LCP AIESEC Lima!

A lot to thank my former LCPs (2002-2004), my dearest friends..

A lot of LC times.., conferences.., learning.., moments of crisis.., moments of truly happiness.., trying to lead the team.. 

Definitively, my best experience in AIESEC and in life!

EB 2005 & NATCO Oct 2004 with newies

A gift from heaven?

Another month is finishing and the emotion is growing up inside of me... Selection process for Italy is killing me!!!! It's taking so long and I don't have idea about other candidates... I'll just believe I'll get it.., a part of me just knows I will be there... I just know it.. I think it's true that when you want something so bad, the whole world conspires to make it happen... :) So strange the way it appeared.., as a gift from heaven... Because of AIESEC, now I can share my knowledge and experience with another country and another culture by going to the same challenges... I will get it!! .. and I will have a whole year to live new things, to define myself and to see how life really is when you are by your own. I just saw my life from my own future and I realized that I achieved a lot.., I conquered a lot and also managed very difficult things and situations.., time made its job it's true, but I did it on my own, and I'm stronger now.., I know myself better and I have a great turn in my path..

Luchas y frustraciones..

In my house's basement.., thinking HOW to stop such a nonsense and absurdity..,

preparing some refutations and hoping for the best..

Meanwhile, I lost one of my best VPs, who I admire and in whom I had a lot of hope for next term.. 

It was his decision and I couldn't ask him not to, even if I was dying to do so... 

that's not what I was supposed to do.., 

I just waited with frustration, knowing that after this, nothing could turn time back..

I'm also afraid of loosing a friend.. 

This month at work was totally difficult.., motivation is going down very fast for everybody.., frustration sometimes leads us to very useless thoughts, but it also gives us sense, makes us discover or meet again with what we are, with what we believe in, with our values and principles, with what matters to each one of us.. 

 And here comes the question about how to manage the responsibilities of my leadership position with the responsibilities I have as 'ME'.., 

as a person who someday will turn her head back to evaluate herself.., 

to evaluate what I did, what I stood for, what I chose in those important moments.., 

if I chose convenience, if I chose to let fear invade with silence.., if I chose to let things just happen..; 

or if I chose to stand for what I believe in, for what it’s fair.. 

I already know the answer.., I have always known.. 

… I will never be unfaithful to myself.., cause I could loose more.. 

There´s no one poorest than those who doesn’t have sense and soul..

LCP AIESEC LIMA 

Trying to find the “middle” point without turn people down.. 

4 de marzo - prohibicion brasil